New to this

Lets see here... I decided to create a blog for the simple fact that I read in a magazine that it was a good way of expressing those repressed feelings without actually having to tell anyone those weird thoughts that pop in your head. So here goes... well it would be like to to get the juicy stuff out first. Honestly, I have been pretty good lately. I am referring to the jealousy aspect of life. You see, I was deeply burnt by my first love and well ever since I have been sorta secretly possessed by obsessing over internet pornography. It's not what you think. I mean my significant other having a relationship with pornography. So I hear all men do, but why does it bother me so much? You know what really gets me, when they know multiple names of the porn stars??? Come on, I like porn here and there, but there is no way in hell that I pay attention to who the hell it is, why, because I have a real man that I love! This stuff still boggles my mind. Since I'm going all out here, I my as well explain what I mean by being good. I mean that I have not poked around my significant others computer so quite some time now, but today I actually came home from work at a decent time and my significant other was at the hardware store. So, bored with myself, I took a little peak. Interesting enough, I sorta pride myself at my ability to find secret things in computers, it's like solving a mystery. I am aware that my significant other is quite computer savvy and his current thing is torrents. I don't know so much about it, but enough that I know it is a great source of virus free porn. Anyway, as I poked around, of course I found a lot of downloaded filmography, and as always, my impulse is to delete every speck of it. I kinda feel angry for a bi, but then I get over it and laugh at myself. I think I'm just gonna wait around until he says something, ya know, probably tomorrow when he realized he needs to get a new stash, lol. I know this habit will never go away, but I still have a mystery to solve. Here's my second question...why do men seem to enjoy the overly exotic crazy stuff "online" but then don't ask for it it "real" life? Are they just waiting for it to happen? Well I believe that was enough adventure for one day, I'll be in touch.